Booman Tribune ~ Comments ~ Dating and the Class Divide

Gift Cards * New Arrivals

NOTE: Overstock bests Amazon's prices and is "blue."

THE BOOKS WITH "BUZZ":
______________

Senator Edward M. Kennedy tells his extraordinary personal story:

True Compass: A Memoir
by Edward M. Kennedy.

Read Barack Obama's vision for America:

The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream
by Barack Obama

Boran2 and maryb2004 recommend:

The Big Over Easy: A Nursery Crime
by Jasper Fforde

Must-have information for all presidents-and citizens-of the twenty-first century?

Physics for Future Presidents: The Science behind the Headlines
Richard A. Muller

rae recommends:

Dark Ages America: The Final Phase of Empire
by Morris Berman.

On BooMan’s shelf:

Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln
by Doris Kearns Goodwin

This looks interesting:

Adventure Divas
by Holly Morris

Here’s a good one from
Elizabeth Gilbert:

Eat Pray Love
by Elizabeth Gilbert

"Crash" * Best Motion Picture, Academy Awards * Only $11.79 at Overstock * 2006 SAG Winner, Best Ensemble

Check out
Powell's new section:
NEW FAVORITES
Selected new arrivals at 30% off

Recommended by Indianadem and ejmw:
The Conscience of a Liberal
by Paul Wellstone

From northcountry’s bookshelf:

The New Golden Age:
The Coming Revolution Against
Political Corruption and Economic Chaos by Ravi Batra

A novel about contractors in Iraq from the woman that runs The Spy That Billed Me:

Outsourced: A Novel
from RJ Hillhouse.

Great Deals
----- * ^ * -----

Find mystery novels by Nancy Pickard ("Kansas")

Challenging Empire: How People, Governments, and the UN Defy US Power by Phyllis Bennis (interviewed on DN!)

Featured by Keith Olbermann, New (Powell's Sale): Rogue State: A Guide to the World's Only Superpower by William Blum (whose other books merit serious consideration)

"Explosive" State of War: The Secret History of the CIA and the Bush Administration
by James Risen

The book the CIA doesn't want you to read: Jawbreaker: The Attack on Bin Laden and Al Qaeda: A Personal Account by the CIA's Key Field Commander
Larry Johnson's review

BT's all-time best seller:

PERMACULTURE:
A Designers' Manual
$79.95 * Sale: $59.95

Unequal Sisters: A Multicultural Reader in U.S. Women's History (Third Edition)

The Undercover Economist: Exposing Why the Rich Are Rich, the Poor Are Poor And Why You Can Never Buy a Decent Used Car!

The Worst Hard Time: The Untold Story of Those Who Survived the Great American Dust Bowl
by Timothy Egan

Green Press Initiative
----- * ^ * -----

Journalistas: 100 Years of the Best Writing and Reporting by Women Journalists by Eleanor Mills * NYT review

Bury Me Standing: the Gypsies & Their Journey

1491: New Revelations of the Americas before Columbus

Brokeback Mountain
by Annie Proulx
----- * ^ * -----
Check out Powell's
"At The Movies"

Imperial Ambitions: Conversations on the Post-9/11 World by Noam Chomsky (Power & Terror: Post 9-11 Talks)

The Price of Privilege:

How Parental Pressure and
Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of
Disconnected and Unhappy Kids
by Madeline Levine

Save 35-70% on
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We listened to PEN American Center's "State of Emergency" and found 1940s books by Curzio Malaparte only at Alibris. (Selection (MP3) excerpted from "The Skin.")

Banned Books * Are you a fan of Film Noir, Art House, Documentaries or Hong Kong Action? * Searching for a long-lost children's book or a first printing of Miles Davis' Kind of Blue on vinyl? Find it at Alibris!

:
:

Dating and the Class Divide | 49 comments (49 topical, editorial, 0 hidden)

Inter-class dating tips (4.00 / 5)

Great diary and an important topic we don't speak enough about. I know just what you're saying, MAJeff. Everyone's points are good, although I noticed how many were directed at his feelings when you were clearly talking about yours -- if he's a nice guy, he won't mind, etc.

All good advice, but that's the whole point, really, not just the surface, but all the unconscious assumptions about the monied person being the more powerful or important one or the decision maker. Even if people don't actually think that, there it is, under the surface.

I think you're correct that it's a power imbalance. It can be tricky to navigate, but not necessarily bad. I think the most important thing is to realize that money is only one kind of power, and not to let yourself concede the others. The real danger is of falling into a passive role.

Everyone's advice here is good -- about the things you bring to the table and the points about classiness (which is different from class) and the only thing I'd really add is the suggestion to actively counter the perceived imbalance.

Suggest things that you can do and pay for. Take him to your favorite museum or treat him to dinner at your favorite dive or hot-dog stand. Invite him over for your "special" rice or ramen dish and a dvd.

Be who you are now, and not just who you can be when you're with him. Enjoy yourself and, if he's treating, order without guilt! Sorry this got so long. Most of this is beside the point for the first date anyway. Have fun tonight.

Be Unbossed!

by Izzy (izzy AT unbossed DOT com) on Wed Jun 29th, 2005 at 12:18:54 PM EST

Re: Inter-class dating tips (4.00 / 2)

I noticed this, too:

Everyone's points are good, although I noticed how many were directed at his feelings when you were clearly talking about yours -- if he's a nice guy, he won't mind, etc.

I was trying to get at some of the small ways that such subjective issues come into play, and the date was more of a prop to do that with (a helpful, timely, and, hopefully, fun prop).

Sometimes it's in the small things. For instance, a lot of my classmates come from a lot more money than I did. While I may be bright, there are certain conversations I really can't take part in, because I haven't shared certain experiences, been to certain places, done certain things etc, all flowing from differences in our class backgrounds. In those situations, though I'm an insider, I'm simultaneously an outsider. It's one of those weird both/and positions that can just fuck with ya.

There are different modes of being in different social locations (a middle-working class kid from rural Minnesota is gonna "live differently" than an upper-middle class kid from Brookline). I'm still toying with these ideas, still working 'em out.

"If you don't like me, I'm going to make you hate me." **Margaret Cho.

by MAJeff (langstra at yahoo dot com) on Wed Jun 29th, 2005 at 03:13:49 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Inter-class dating tips (4.00 / 2)

The date is a fun prop! Of course, it would be more fun if you let us decide what you were going to wear...

But seriously, these unspoken/unaware cultural things is one of my favorite topics. Probably because of the way I was raised, I felt that discomfort in pretty much every setting and it does fuck with ya. It's sort of like being a tourist and, in fact, I think people who travel are more open to these kinds of discussions. One of the pitfalls of having them is when people take or make an observation of a difference or problem as a criticism.

Be Unbossed!

by Izzy (izzy AT unbossed DOT com) on Wed Jun 29th, 2005 at 03:26:53 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Oh shit (4.00 / 5)

I not only have to worry about prettifyin' myself, but now I've got to inform everyone here? Glad I don't have a webcam or I'd have people screaming "That!" "No, That!" "Girl, you are not wearing that out!"

"If you don't like me, I'm going to make you hate me." **Margaret Cho.

by MAJeff (langstra at yahoo dot com) on Wed Jun 29th, 2005 at 03:32:04 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Oh shit (4.00 / 4)

We now have a lot invested in this date. I think you owe it to the community to get that webcam. ;)

Be Unbossed!

by Izzy (izzy AT unbossed DOT com) on Wed Jun 29th, 2005 at 03:34:53 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Oh shit (4.00 / 2)

I can see the pop-up ads now--Help the Queer get dressed!

I think a cam would ruin the "fabulous" image I maintain. Jeans and a 10-year old red Gap polo (still a bright yet dark red...unfortunately, my orange shirt is in the laundry--I look great in orange)...that's all he's gettin' and the description is all y'all are gettin :)

Now, I've got to fix my hair.

"If you don't like me, I'm going to make you hate me." **Margaret Cho.

by MAJeff (langstra at yahoo dot com) on Wed Jun 29th, 2005 at 03:38:39 PM EST
[ Parent ]

New Bravo show (4.00 / 2)

"Blog Eye for the Queer Guy"

Knock 'em dead, girl...(I was howling when Margaret Cho did her routine on the various ways "girl" could be used among queens...)

"Mr. Bush, you do not own this country!" -- Keith Olbermann, 1/2/07

by Cali Scribe on Wed Jun 29th, 2005 at 05:50:31 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: New Bravo show (4.00 / 2)

that was a fantastic bit..."oh guuuuuuuuuuuuurl"

"If you don't like me, I'm going to make you hate me." **Margaret Cho.

by MAJeff (langstra at yahoo dot com) on Wed Jun 29th, 2005 at 06:39:35 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Dating and the Class Divide | 49 comments (49 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)

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