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Wherein I Announce My Candidacy for President | 23 comments (23 topical, editorial, 0 hidden)

Re: Wherein I Announce My Candidacy for President (4.00 / 2)

You're on my team! Of course, I can't pay you yet . . .

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward. Franklin D. Roosevelt

by Steven D on Fri Jan 25th, 2008 at 10:07:13 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Wherein I Announce My Candidacy for President (4.00 / 4)

I like this "neutron bomb" strategy, and as Jello Biafra has pointed out, the policy may have domestic applications as well.

if you'll appoint me your Secretary of Homeland Security, I will declare a state of emergency, round up all the poor people, regardless of age, sex, creed, or sexual orientation, and have them detained for security reasons. The detention center will be in the Grand canyon (which no one uses anyway), and that's where I'll drop the neutron bomb.

Presto: medicare, social security, and all those other problems solved!

John Mccain Called his wife WHAT??

by brendan on Fri Jan 25th, 2008 at 10:16:21 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Wherein I Announce My Candidacy for President (4.00 / 2)

Hey, I have another idea! How about this?? You could announce an "Open Border Day" where we specify a date and time to open up all the official border crossings from Mexico. Maybe offer everybody some meal and hotel vouchers to attract as many of those fleabitten people as possible. Then, when the lines are all backed up with those freeloadin" Mexicans, when as many as possible are crammed into those border crossing queue's......................................

BOOM!!!!!!! Drop the neutron bombs!!

Illegal immigration problem solved, Republican style.

Man this is so inspiring to be able to think like a Republican. I'm forever indebted to you, Steven.

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity"

by MikeInOhio on Fri Jan 25th, 2008 at 11:13:36 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Wherein I Announce My Candidacy for President (4.00 / 2)

Thinking like a republican is SO much easier than thinking like a... well, ok, democrats don't so much think as they pander. Let's just say it's easier than thinking.

What's so awesome about Steven's proposed "neutron bomb" policy is that you don't have to feed or clothe the detainees. And has been noted, there's no real property damage.

Wait'll you see my plan for solving world hunger and public school overcrowding.

John Mccain Called his wife WHAT??

by brendan on Fri Jan 25th, 2008 at 11:49:46 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Wherein I Announce My Candidacy for President (none / 1)

With eliminationism being such a central tenet of the current Republican Party, it is no wonder that the neutron bomb is such an attractive tool. There is some potential drawback, however.

One significant drawback of the weapon is that not all targeted troops will die or be incapacitated immediately. After a brief bout of nausea, many of those hit with about 5-50 Sv of radiation will experience a temporary recovery (the latent or "walking ghost phase"[12]) lasting days to weeks.

The "walking ghost phase" could be problematic should the media get a hold of it. It might not necessarily look good on our teevees.

The walking ghost phase of radiation poisoning is a period of apparent health, lasting for hours or days, following a dose of 10-50 sieverts of radiation. As its name would suggest, the walking ghost phase is followed by certain death.
A painful death, marked by delirium and coma, inevitably awaits any recipient of such a dose of radiation, between 2-10 days after the completion of the walking ghost phase of radiation poisoning.

Oh, well. Even as a Republican, you can't have it all, I guess. There's an easy solution, though. Only let Fox News get access to the affected areas.

Man, this is just so easy being a Republican.

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity"

by MikeInOhio on Fri Jan 25th, 2008 at 12:06:29 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Wherein I Announce My Candidacy for President (4.00 / 2)

Exactly Mike. You ONLY let Fox News have access. You know what you do with ABC/CBS/NC/CNN etc?

First you waterboard them, THEN you drop a neutron bomb on them. And if that doesn't work they go hunting with Dick Cheney.

Dude, under the Presidency of Steven D, assisted by our leadership in the field of Blowing Up Everythingism, this is going to be the best cabinet ever.

Oh, and has Steve shared his "president for life" policy with you? It's a corker! Don't worry if the Democrats oppose it at first: we'll just call them weak on national security and they'll support anything we want.

John Mccain Called his wife WHAT??

by brendan on Fri Jan 25th, 2008 at 12:16:26 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Wherein I Announce My Candidacy for President (4.00 / 2)

I'm impressed. You guys are definitely on the right track, but you're still thinking small.

Using neutron bombs is wasteful.

Some hints: surplus amounts of illegals, whiny unproductive dem-voting poor people, and real or potential islamofascists. Global hunger & poverty. Cheap outsourced labor. Jonathan Swift.

I think you see where I'm heading?

Steven, you could become the permanent possessor of the new, single, consolidated Nobel Prize for Amurrican Godliness.

Heck, all those folks were doomed to hell anyway. Screw solar. I'm sure your new Energy Czar Tim LaHaye can figure out a way to harness the vastly increased volume of hellfire.

Social Security? Send all poor retirees to Florida, chain 'em to their recliners and wait for accelerated global warming (see above) to work its magic. Who needs coral? Presto! Artifical reefs and unlimited fish food.

See? Nothing is impossible once you cast off the shackles of ethics and reason!

by OkieByAccident (glimmung2 at yahoo dot com) on Fri Jan 25th, 2008 at 12:31:08 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Wherein I Announce My Candidacy for President (none / 1)

Brilliant! That's the kind of new style of thinking we need! You're hired.

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward. Franklin D. Roosevelt

by Steven D on Fri Jan 25th, 2008 at 10:24:27 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Wherein I Announce My Candidacy for President (none / 1)

All hat and no cattle?

by RollaMO on Fri Jan 25th, 2008 at 10:10:20 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Wherein I Announce My Candidacy for President (4.00 / 3)

Like Ron Paul, I expect my online campaign contributions to hit record numbers as soon as enough people know what I stand for (and on whom).

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward. Franklin D. Roosevelt

by Steven D on Fri Jan 25th, 2008 at 10:14:06 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Wherein I Announce My Candidacy for President (none / 1)

Here's the only thing I can see you're missing

http://harpers.org/archive/2008/01/hbc-90002237

Scott Horton makes a great Bush catch - the myth of the man.

by mainsailset on Fri Jan 25th, 2008 at 12:36:15 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Wherein I Announce My Candidacy for President (none / 0)

oops, should have mentioned that this is really a catch by Paddy that I found over at Cliff Schecter's.

by mainsailset on Fri Jan 25th, 2008 at 12:37:07 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Wherein I Announce My Candidacy for President | 23 comments (23 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)

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