"The Camp X-Ray Tango"
[DICK]
Cock.
[SCOOTER]
Fitz.
[DENNY]
Swish.
[GEORGIE]
Uh uh.
[DONNY]
Gitmo.
[TOMMY]
Dipshits!
[ANCHORMAN]
And now the six merry treasonists of the Guantanamo Bay Facility in their rendition of "The Camp X-Ray Tango"...
[DICK]
Cock.
[SCOOTER]
Fitz.
[DENNY]
Swish.
[GEORGIE]
Uh uh.
[DONNY]
Gitmo.
[TOMMY]
Dipshits!
[ALL]
It's 9/11!
It's 9/11!
9/11's all to blame
If we'd have been there
If we'd foreseen seen it
[DONNY]
I bet we still would have outed Plame!
[DICK]
Cock.
[SCOOTER]
Fitz.
[DENNY]
Swish.
[GEORGIE]
Uh uh.
[DONNY]
Gitmo.
[TOMMY]
Dipshits!
(2X)
[DICK (Spoken)]
You know how people have these little habits that get you down.
Like Harry. Harry liked to reload guns.
No, not reload.... COCK! So, we're out hunting this one day,
and I am really inebriated, and I'm looking for a little bit of empathy,
and there's Harry standin' in a crouch, drinkin' a beer and reloadin'.
No, not reloadin'... COCKIN'!
So, I said to him, I said, "You cock that gun one more time..."
and he did...
So I took my shotgun out and all and I fired a warning shot...
...into his head.
[ALL]
It's 9/11!
It's 9/11!
9/11's all to blame
If we'd have been there
If we'd foreseen seen it
I bet we still would have outed Plame!
[SCOOTER (Spoken)]
I met Patrick Fitzgerald from Chicago about two years ago,
and I told him it was all legal but the shit hit the fan right away.
So, I started lying for cover.
He'd go to work, he'd bring it home,
I'd raise a big stink, I'd toss a spinner.
And then he found out...
"Illegal" he told me?!? Illegal, my ass.
Not only had he parried... oh no... he had six lies,
one of them mountainous, you know.
So that night, when I got home from work,
I was booked into the clink as usual.
You know, some lies just aren't as gold as in the Aspens.
[ALL]
It's 9/11!
It's 9/11!
We took a powder-
It's not a crime
And then we used it
And we abused it
What's more absurder
It's not a crime!
[DENNY (Spoken)]
Now, I'm standing in the Capitol carvin' up the donations for winners,
minding my own business, and in slink my buddies Shimkus and Reynolds,
in a zealous rage.
"He's been screwin' around with the Pages," they says. I was lazy...
But they kept on screamin', "He's been screwin' around with the Pages."
They ran in and out of my life. They ran in and out of my life ten times!
[ALL]
If we'd have been there
If we'd foreseen seen it
I bet we still would have outed Plame!
[GEORGIE (Spoken in authentic pre-Wernicke-Korsakoff gibberish)]
Met Karzai on it? Ask my dog, Barney the liars make `em leftover a frog march on big
Islamistan on budget. Denim bigots, in Atlanta brag. Them two-tone Murucan buncha'
Uncle Sam hokey I'm bettin'. Probably a rendered make my orangey do them erotic mag...
[DENNY (Spoken)]
Yeah, but did you screw it up?
[GEORGIE]
UH UH, not guil-ty!
[DONNY]
My sister, Condi and I had this neo-con pact and the general, Colin,
used to travel round with us.
Now, for the first summer of our pact, we had these 20 interrogational tricks ya know...
One, two, three, four, five... plots... dead illegal,
fact slips, flip flops, one right after the other.
So this one night a couple years after the show we're drownin' at Gitmo.
The three of us, losin', makin' a few gaffs and
we got onto thin ice, so I duck out to get away some.
I come back, open the door, and there's Condi and
Colin claiming Number Seventeen was dead illegal.
Well, and Secretary of State?!? I'm shocked.
I completely blanked out. I never admitted a thing.
It wasn't until later, when I was washing their blood off my hands,
that I even knew we were ALL dead.
[DONNY]
It's 9/11!
[BOYS]
It's 9/11!
[DONNY]
It's 9/11!
[BOYS]
It's 9/11!
[DONNY]
Iraq was planned out all along
[BOYS]
Iraq was planned out all along
[DONNY]
I didn't blow it
[BOYS]
He didn't blow it
[DONNY]
But if I blew it
[BOYS]
But if he blew it
[DONNY]
Oh, how I'd yell that I wasn't wrong!
[DONNY]
It's 9/11!
[BOYS]
It's 9/11!
[DONNY]
It's 9/11!
[BOYS]
It's 9/11!
[DONNY]
It's 9/11!
[BOYS]
We took a powder
[DONNY]
I'm not wrong
[BOYS]
It's not a crime
[DONNY]
I didn't do it
[BOYS]
So then we used it
[DONNY]
But if I'd done it,
[BOYS]
and then abused it
[DONNY]
How dare you tell me that I was wrong?
[BOYS]
It was a murder of truth and time!
[TOMMY(Spoken)]
I loved Jack Abramoff more than I can possibly say.
He was a real pragmatic guy... insensitive... a feigner.
But he was always trying to buy influence for HIMSELF.
He'd take folks out every night looking for more wealth,
and on the way he found Rove, Norquist, Burns, Boehner, Doolittle, Hastert,
Cunningham, Ney, Santorum, Allen... well, you get the picture... Dipshits...
I guess you can say I broke it off because of pragmatic differences.
He saw himself as alive and I saw myself as dead...
[ALL]
Those dirty Dems, Dems, Dems, Dems, Dems
Those dirty Dems, Dems, Dems, Dems, Dems
[Group 1]
It's 9/11!
[Group 2]
It's 9/11!
[Group 1]
It's 9/11!
[Group 2]
It's 9/11!
[Group 1]
It's 9/11!
[Group 2]
It's 9/11!
[Group 1]
Y'all are wrong!
[Group 2]
Y'all are wrong!
[Group 1]
Just `cause we used it
[Group 2]
Just `cause we used it
[Group 1]
And then abused it
[Group 2]
And then abused it
[ALL]
How dare you tell us that we are wrong?!?
[Group 1]
It's 9/11!
[Group 2]
It's 9/11!
[Group 1]
It's 9/11!
[Group 2]
It's 9/11!
[Group 1]
We had to find someone to blame.
[Group 2]
We had to find someone to blame.
[Group 1]
We really don't care
[Group 2]
We really don't care
[Group 1]
Stick Clinton with it
[Group 2]
Stick Clinton with it
[ALL]
Betcha we don't go down in flames!
[DICK(Spoken)]
You cock that gun one more time!
[SCOOTER (spoken)]
Perjury my ass.
[DENNY (Spoken)]
Ten times!
[GEORGIE (Spoken)]
Miers sucks down Uncle Sam's bourbon.
[DONNY (Spoken)]
Number Seventeen- dead illegal.
[TOMMY (Spoken)]
Pragmatic differences.
[DICK]
Cock.
[SCOOTER]
Fitz.
[DENNY]
Swish.
[GEORGIE]
Uh uh.
[DONNY]
Gitmo.
[TOMMY]
Dipshits!
RAZZLE DAZZLE
[KARLY]
Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle Dazzle 'em
Give 'em no facts and act compassionate
Never let on we'll have to ration yet
Give 'em the old bogus focus
Tar and feather 'em
Now they won't see we're penguins in disguise
What if your binges all are busting?
What if, your act, they're just not trusting?
Razzle dazzle 'em
And just wear power ties!
Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle
[KARLY AND COMPANY]
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em some snow that's so odiferous
[KARLY]
After they go they'll grow soporiferous
[KARLY AND COMPANY]
Give 'em the old tin pan lummox
Fools elected 'em
[KARLY]
Now that they fear the truth their hopes will soar!
[KARLY AND COMPANY]
Tell 'em you're jake and start a fable
They'll never guess he's just unstable,
[KARLY]
Razzle dazzle 'em
And you'll peg them for war!
[KARLY AND COMPANY]
Give 'em the old troubled mammy
Faze and tizzy 'em
Make him seem to be a hardcore peddler
No one will catch the big embezzler
Give 'em the old East Wing circus
Shun and dagger 'em
When he's in trouble, hide them from his rants...
Though there are sniffers, be a flirter
They'll never guess he's a deserter
Razzle dazzle 'em
And your sot keeps his pants!
[COMPANY(The same time as KARLY's)]
Give 'em the old
Razzle Dazzle
[KARLY]
Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Get 'em to first base then you're sure to score
Long as you stiff 'em with the balance
Then you can get hot... they're not so gallant!
Razzle Dazzle 'em
[KARLY AND COMPANY]
Razzle Dazzle 'em
Razzle Dazzle 'em
And you'll take them to war!
