Happiness shines like a light from within.

A handshake that has meaning, is  lasting.

If you find yourself in a long line, and there is a NeoCon behind you.....let a fart...and step outta line, and point to them and say loudly....EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW

wado

"what a wonderful world"- Louis Armstrong

And what happened to the coffee cart? I need me a cheese Danish.

I missed the memo where we went to calling this "FBC One." Sounds kinda mechanical to me. Actually it reminds me of this German comedian I saw once (or some guy saying he was German):

"I wish to do comedy to help to combat the stereotype that all Germans are mechanical and obsessed with order. Thank you.

Joke number one."

The avalanche has started. It is too late for the pebbles to vote. -- Ambassador Kosh

Looks like the spouse will be starting his retraining early next week; we're heading to DMV so he can drop off his completed medical form, then he'll call the union office.

This has been one hell of a ride -- I think he's finally learned that "protecting me from bad news" is not necessarily a good thing. We've got a lot of work to do to rebuild some of the damaged pillars on the marital bridge; it hasn't collapsed completely yet, but not sure if it's seismically safe.

Hope everyone out there has a great day...


"Mr. Bush, you do not own this country!" -- Keith Olbermann, 1/2/07

Reasons I need a girlfriend:

I want to make a cushion fort in my living room, but I only have two cushions, so I need someone to bring extras.

It's been raining a lot lately, and I've taken to leaping in puddles.
When I do it alone people think I'm a crazy homeless guy.

I live near a parade route, and I think I may try to attach some sort of water balloon launcher to my roof in order to douse people from a distance. I could really use a bra for the dual-shot balloon holder.

I'm afraid of spiders and I need someone to kill them for me.

When I strip off my clothes and run down the street naked it would be nice to have someone around to watch my stuff for me.

When I eat cheese and crackers with a bottle of wine I keep going until it's all gone. If I do it alone I will end up fat and drunk, so I need someone to help split that stuff with me.

I always cook too much for one person. I'm going to throw out half of this wild mushroom risotto I just made, because I never reheat anything.

Playing chess alone sucks.

People look at me funny when I eat out alone.

I like to hear how handsome I am coming from an actual woman's voice, as opposed to me doing my impersonation of Margaret Thatcher while looking in a mirror and telling myself how "Dashing" I look.

Aliens (If I have to explain this to you then you've already been
compromised)

If I walk down the street talking about how robots have infiltrated all levels of the McDonalds Corporation thereby completing the first stage of taking over the world with their alien masters then people think I'm crazy. If I'm talking to someone else about it then it's just a conversation.

I want to be able to tell my friends crazy sex stories for a change, as opposed to the same old masturbation stories they always get out of me.

It's no fun thumb wrestling myself for control of the T.V.

I need someone to tell me to stop screwing around on Craig's List all the time.

When I go to weddings I'm sick of getting stuck at the single's table.
Everyone at that table is always ugly and socially awkward, and then I start to feel like their king, and I get a swelled head, and I end up making drunken toasts when I shouldn't and normally cap the night off by getting naked and mantle diving onto the wedding cake. If I had a date I wouldn't sit at the single's table (the rest would probably still apply though).

I'd rather be turned down by a woman when I'm drunk and horny than my neighbor's dog (I don't know why but that dog has been playing hard to get ever since we met.)

I like coffee.

I think I feel my virginity growing back.

I need someone to convince me to buy furniture.

Condoms have an expiration date and I hate having anything go to waste.

My neighbors think I'm either gay or into bestiality. I want to prove them wrong.

I like getting presents.

They say it's a sign of alcoholism to drink alone.

I want someone to at least pretend to be impressed that I know all the words to a song.

Doing a victory dance when I beat myself in monopoly is starting to feel like a waste of time.

I need someone who will laugh at my jokes. If you laughed then I might be right for you.
If you were going out with me I would have never written this. Think of how many people you could have saved.

See ya'll later.

Mundane Doesn't Describe It