Booman Tribune

Huckabee Wins the Santorum Award

by BooMan
Thu Jan 17th, 2008 at 01:56:51 PM EST

We're going to have to have a contest to define what disgusting sexual act or product a 'Huckabee' is.

QUESTIONER: Is it your goal to bring the Constitution into strict conformity with the Bible? Some people would consider that a kind of dangerous undertaking, particularly given the variety of biblical interpretations.

HUCKABEE: Well, I don’t think that’s a radical view to say we’re going to affirm marriage. I think the radical view is to say that we’re going to change the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and animal. Again, once we change the definition, the door is open to change it again. I think the radical position is to make a change in what’s been historic.

The contest for 'Santorum' resulted in:

Pronunciation: san-TOR-um
Function: noun
Etymology: Savage Love - 05/29/03
1. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.

Anyone want to make some nominations for a 'Huckabee'?



Display:
Urban Dictionary has him in there with one definition:
1.      huckabee     
    102 up, 36 down    

a person who is really dumb

wow what a huckabee

I'm having trouble thinking of anything sexual with the name "Huckabee" on my mind, but it seems it ought  to be something really redneck... like an act of incest.

by RandyH on Thu Jan 17th, 2008 at 02:34:57 PM EST
A look at some of the runners-up in the Santorum contest suggests one possibility.

A while back my friends and I were drunk at some East Atlanta bar talking about "tossing salad," and we posed this question: What do you call it when you're rimming someone and they fart right in your face? My suggestion--"Caesar salad"--was the winner, because it keeps the salad metaphor going while adding the element of an unpleasant smell. But as proud as I am of coming up with "Caesar salad," I hereby nominate farting-in-someone's-face-while-they're-tossing-your-salad as the "santorum." After all, they both involve big annoying gasbags inserting themselves into intimate situations where they aren't wanted.
by BooMan on Thu Jan 17th, 2008 at 02:39:05 PM EST
[ Parent ]
For some reason the occasional undigested corn kernel that shows up in a turd comes to mind.  It makes my statement in the Limbaugh/PC thread make more sense, too (Limbaugh is a slimy piece of Huckabee-ridden Santorum).

--
When we hear freedom we know it doesn't mean armed occupation. --felagund
by froggywomp on Thu Jan 17th, 2008 at 03:31:25 PM EST
[ Parent ]
That's pretty good!

It could be generalized to "huckabee:  any recognizable, undigested bit of food visible in one's excrement."

As in, "Hey, honey! Bring the camera! I got three different huckabees in this one!"

Or, "Don't eat those, dear. Remember how the huckabees made you bleed last time?"

"At least the santorum made the huckabees less painful."

Funny  how there's an anal theme running through these (so to speak). But not inappropriate...

How indelicate are we allowed to be? "Huckabee: any  damge, literal or figurative, resulting from the forcible insertion of a cross." This would cover both The Exorcist, and the Defense of Marriage Act.

by OkieByAccident (glimmung2 at yahoo dot com) on Thu Jan 17th, 2008 at 07:55:23 PM EST
[ Parent ]
There is a 2nd definition now:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=huckabee

A sheep, or any other farm animal, that becomes anally incontinent after sex with a man.

Oh, my.  I think we have a winner...

by ericy on Fri Jan 18th, 2008 at 09:10:29 AM EST
[ Parent ]
What IS it with these wingnuts? Why are they always bringing up the most bizarre sexual shit that most people don't ever think about considering?

Oh.

Can't hear ya, Peach!

by AP on Thu Jan 17th, 2008 at 02:52:25 PM EST
How about rightwing ideologue spoiler that isn't getting anywhere near the White House without being part of a tourist group.  Is that too long?

Oh, there you are, Perry. -Phineas -SLB-
by boran2 (blogistan@yahoo.com) on Thu Jan 17th, 2008 at 02:57:19 PM EST
hmmm...l'll have to give this some thought.

but since he's "directly equated homosexuality with bestiality", and he's from hope arkansas, and the university of arkansas' [no doubt a hotbed of immoral acts] mascot is a razorback, this certainly has possibilities:

Razorback: "Howdy, good buddy, you're talkin' at the Big Pig on the Big Pig's Pig Talk hotline! I'm at mile marker 82!"

Caller: "Oh, you sound like a naughty pig. What are you wearing?"

Razorback: "Yellow kitchen gloves, matching boots and belt, black stretch-suit, and a headdress made out of a dead pig that shoots electricity."

Caller: "Holy shit."

inspirational, eh

l'll have to get back to you boo...

lTMF'sA

the revolution will not be televised...

by dada on Thu Jan 17th, 2008 at 03:15:30 PM EST
John Aravosis makes this point:
This guy thinks it's fair game to talk about Romney's Mormonism? Fine, then let's have the media start talking about Huckabee's fringe views on Christianity.
 The fact is, Huckabee is a member of the Southern Baptist Convention, an organization that has over 16 million members in the U.S. alone.  And being an exile from the SBC I can tell you that his views are anything but fringe to almost every one of those 16 million members.  In addition, we have the rapid growth of the Charismatic and Pentecostal movements, which are estimated to possibly be as large as 20 million members in the U.S. alone among all the associated groups and churches.  They too, by and large, have similar doctrines and beliefs as the Southern Baptist Convention regarding homosexuality, gay marriage and gender roles.  That means that there are 36 million people who belong to churches which, by and large, adhere to the same basic views as those espoused by Mike Huckabee regarding these issues.

I would be greatly relieved if, in fact, Huckabee's views were, as John describes them, "fringe".  But sadly, my progressive friends, they are not.  I have been saying this for a long, long time.  We might not want to believe this but these are views which are a central and core tenet of the religious beliefs of tens of millions of your friends and neighbors.  Yes, there are likely a lot of individual members in these groups who are not as dogmatic as some concerning these  beliefs, but the fact remains that Huckabee's views are the official "platform" of a HUGE segment of our religious community in this country.  And when push comes to shove, and present day politics is bleeding over into the sanctuaries on Sunday mornings across our country over these next few months, views such as Huckabee's will be what is preached from pulpits across this land to these 36 millions people.  And you can bet there will many hearty and resounding "Amens" from among the congregations assembled.

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity"

by MikeInOhio on Thu Jan 17th, 2008 at 03:19:50 PM EST
Thanks for that insight, Mike. That is truly disturbing news to this gay atheist who grew up in the west.

But you say this isn't fringe. By my math, that 36 million people you talk about is about 12% of the total US population. Of course whenever they talk about their numbers, they say something like "70% of the population identifies as Christian" and conflate that all of those 210 million people agree with them on all these "moral issues." Of the 210 million they claim are "Christians," 32 million (15%) are these whack-jobs who scream the loudest. But wouldn't 15% of any group be considered "fringe?"

by RandyH on Thu Jan 17th, 2008 at 03:35:03 PM EST
[ Parent ]
This is heading toward semantics, but does the fact that the 15% is likely concentrated in the Bible belt change anything?  There may be some states where they approach or even exceed 50% of the population.  

Also, Romney has 14% support in the latest national republican poll but no one is calling him fringe.

--
When we hear freedom we know it doesn't mean armed occupation. --felagund

by froggywomp on Thu Jan 17th, 2008 at 03:48:23 PM EST
[ Parent ]
I understand what you're saying, Randy.  And I guess people could debate at length about where the threshold is for "fringe".  Certainly there are sizable areas of the country where the majority of people don't hold beliefs such as Huckabee's.  And you are correct in pointing out that, as a matter of percentages, it is nowhere near a majority.  

My intention certainly is not to conflate those people who hold views such as Huckabee's with everyone who labels themselves "Christian".  There is a large contingent of Christians who do not agree at all with Huckabee's views.  Huckabee belongs to a particular group within the Christian community which holds a fundamentalist view of the Bible, its authority and its place in ones daily life.  Southern Baptists, Charismatics and Pentecostals are the primary people within this group.  They apply an often strict and literal interpretation, especially when it comes to matters of sexuality or morality.

My larger point is that in the vast core of the country, which would include all of the upper and lower midwest, central plains and all of the south, Huckabee's views are anything but fringe, especially among these churchgoers.  They are mainstream views.  Call it the Bible Belt or "conservative America" but the fact remains, what he is saying would have widespread agreement in both the religious and non-religious communities in much of those parts of the country.  In this and in many other parts of the country, just being openly gay in your everyday life is a tremendous act of bravery and daring.  And I'm not talking about flaunting ones sexual identity, but just living publicly as a gay person.  My wife and I have a number of friends who are gay, and fortunately they are able to surround themselves with a loving and supporting group of friends and co-workers.  But the general attitude they encounter in their daily lives when they are outside of a circle of support sometimes makes me ashamed of my fellow Ohioans.  The level of intolerance, judgment and self righteous indignation they encounter on a regular basis is appalling.  And much of that behavior is enabled and encouraged by some in the local religious community.

I guess "whack-job" is an appropriate term to apply to some of these people.  Unfortunately, at least around here, they often seem to be the rule and not the exception.

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity"

by MikeInOhio on Thu Jan 17th, 2008 at 04:17:10 PM EST
[ Parent ]
Huckabee:  Fuckin' a fried squirrel while it's still in the popcorn popper.
by Joe Bourgeois on Fri Jan 18th, 2008 at 01:26:44 AM EST
"Huckabee" -- "the kick to the groin that often occurs when one tries to mount a cow, calf, horse, mule, goat or sheep."
by dlite on Fri Jan 18th, 2008 at 02:42:45 PM EST
not bad.
by BooMan on Fri Jan 18th, 2008 at 02:53:32 PM EST
[ Parent ]
A Huckabee is a candidate whose dick is so thin, he can fuck a bee.
by thorny1 (lthorntnATixDOTnetcomDOTcom) on Fri Jan 18th, 2008 at 03:00:05 PM EST


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