Can't hear ya, Peach!

accepted.  Even tho we do understand we do refrain from much around here...much to the dismay of NQ for hurting booman the way they did.  I will never go back even to read the site...I really mean never, even as a link..I have burned my bridges, or should I have said they have with me.  They and others know better...We respect around here.  That is why I like it here....You are most welcome....and we enjoy your presence...lots of hugs...

Don't give it a second thought. The gist was clear and cogent enough. It's just that word that grates so much. Has your diary been completely removed?

My only problem with it is that I took time to write some comments in response to someone who mentioned Narcissistic Personality Disorder only to have your post disappear just in time to get an error message!

Anyway, here is my comment:

Regarding NPD, it is entirely possible that Hillary has this disorder. It is even more likely that Bill has it - his chronic infidelity is one possible symptom -  and Dubya is a classic case for sure.

Narcissists will do almost anything to maintain an endless supply of admiration and attention ("narcissistic supply"), and will fly into a rage (called narcissistic rage) when their carefully constructed image, which is really a hollow house of cards, is threatened. They have no capacity for empathy, and cannot feel and do not care at all about the feelings (physical or mental) of others except insofar as it affects them. They can be extremely charming, interesting, engaging, and fun, when they are getting what they need from you, and unbelievably vicious when they are not. They will build up a new person in their lives (generally their next victim-designate) to be larger than life and downright superhuman, then if the person insists their expectations be met, and does not provide the expected "supply" in the desired manner, they will drag them through the dirt, and finally drop them altogether, generally in a way carefully designed to be as painful as possible. It is quite possible to enjoy a relationship with a narcissist as long as you do not become emotionally invested in the relationship or expect anything from it.

They will insist that their sources of "supply" accept whatever misbehaviour they choose to engage in, up to and including serial infidelity (hmmmm - remind you of any other Clintons?). It's usually OK, at least up to a point, if the source gets hurt, upset, or even angry because this is a sign of the narcissist's importance, but the "source" had better not make demands, or make the relationship too uncomfortable for the narcissist, and had better keep that "supply" coming or all hell will break loose.

Narcissists can be VERY charming and engaging, though often, at least to me, the "charm" has a forced or pushed quality that I find very off-putting. They tend throughout their lives to leave a string of victims in their wake whom they first woo (often with considerable charm and skill), then later mistreat, often with extreme cruelty, and ultimately abandon.

They ARE deeply insecure, and feel almost constant anxiety. It's a cruel, vicious disorder that is one of the least amenable to treatment. It is really very, very sad both for the narcissist and her/his victims (most narcissists are men, by the way).

No worries is right.  I love your work Liza.   It's an honor to have you here.

Steve

Obama is a Patriot

I think She has a problem.


If you want me to go back to the place that I was born, tell your corporations to leave my country (Leon Gieco)

Why not post as a diary instead of a front page article?

If it hasn't been completely nuked, how about putting it up as a diary?  There was some good discussion happening in the comments.  

Latino Político | "We are condemned to kill time, thus we die bit by bit." - Octavio Paz

 in the last 24 hours.

I refuse to pledge allegiance to a foreign country! And Israel is a foreign country last I looked, and not even a true democracy.

At the risk of being controversial, I'm going to go ahead and say....  That throughout the past few months, Hillary's actions and words were frequently distasteful to me, but never in a gender-specific way for me.  (Other than wishing that, as a fellow woman, she was a better role model for women in leadership roles.)  However, what made yesterday over the top for me and pushed me to not object to the B word (which had previously made me wince every time I'd seen it to describe HRC) is that she was acting in a way that is distinctly feminine in our society.  When my friends act this way, even my male friends, they call each other "bitchy" or "catty".  These are of course derogatory feminine terms in the broader social context, but in my circles "bitch" and "asshole" describe specific kinds of bad behavior that both men and women engage in.  Men can be backstabbing and passive aggressive.  Women can be blunt and selfish and mean.  And B*** just seemed like the right word.  So while I respect and understand the rules here, I do think that Liza's post would be deprived of a good deal of its meaning if she scrubbed out the Bs.

I can completely understand, and support the desire to avoid any appearance of sexism in regard to the campaign, though as I have learned, you will be accused no matter what.

As improbable as it is, I have been accused of sexism in my choice not to support Hillary despite the fact that I have made it very clear that I cannot support her based entirely on her record on foreign and military policy, her utter disregard for human rights when it is inconvenient (including but not limited to the cases ofIraq, Lebanon, and Palestine), and her incessant pandering to AIPAC*. Oddly, I have not so far as I know been accused of racism for refusing to support Obama, although I have been less specific about my reasons.

Having said that, in general people really do need to stop getting all heated up when they hear certain words, specifically the "b" and the "n" word. Context and intent are everything, and as long as they are as clear as I can make them, I am going to use whatever word I can find that will express what I am wanting to say.

I use the "b" word without shame, including applying it to certain people (male AND female), as well as inanimate objects and circumstances when the occasion warrants it, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. It is a perfectly good word that sometimes expresses just right the idea one is trying to convey, and I will not apologize for using it.

As for the "n" word, I rarely find an appropriate occasion to use it, but I have been taken to task for using it in a completely innocent and appropriately expressive way, simply because it has become a "forbidden" word. For example, I once got harshly scolded for saying that "Arabs and Muslims are the niggers of the 21st century". The meaning was perfectly clear from the context of the discussion, and yet a couple of the more prissy-pants politically-correct-speech police got all over me for using that word. I maintain that no other word would have said what I wanted to say as succinctly and as effectively as that word did, and I remain to this day unapologetic about its use simply because some people have chosen to make an irrational rule.

So, people need to chill out a bit and consider the context and the intent before going all huffy on someone's ass for using a particular word. Really.

*I have mentioned elsewhere, but perhaps not here, the time she responded to "concerns" on the part of AIPAC, ADC, and other Jewish political groups by making a P.R. event out of returning Muslim contributions to her Senatorial campaign, needless to say a huge public slap in the face to Muslims in general and her Muslim supporters in particular.

Living in NYC it is hard to remember the restrictions on language that most people in America feel. In California people will threaten you if you say "fuck you" while in NYC it is practically the equivalent of saying "hello."

I work and live with people who use so un-PC language that I have to be careful of the habits this leads me to. I can't even publicly say some of the stuff that is said, in jest, in my work place. What amazes me is how no one is offended by it in the context of where I work even though it goes beyond what I would consider normally acceptable. Everyone realizes the context and, if anything, takes it to the next step.

I usually avoid the offensive terms when I blog...but not always. Sometimes I feel they are integral to the point I am making. Not everyone agrees, needless to say. But my day to day language is very different from what I use online. Particularly nationally because I know "bad words" are taken more seriously some places compared with others.

Culture Kitchen, being run largely by profane NYC people, tends to be quite open to profanity and not so PC as most sites. The result, perhaps paradoxically, is it has become the site where racial, gender, ethnic, religious, and cultural issues are freely discussed far more than most places. Not sure how we managed that, but I am glad we have succeeded in making it a place where profanity AND sensitivity coexist.

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Oh gosh Liza, I had no problems with it. Even though I understand the sensitive nature right now.

You made me dig this up, from Irene Claremont de Castillejo's Knowing Woman: A Feminine Psychology. I've had this book for years & this is my favorite part. Page 74, chapter The Animus — Friend or Foe?

Some years ago (I was already working as a psychotherapist) I had the following dream: I was walking peacefully along a country lane when I met a band of men, a dozen or so, going in the opposite direction, accompanied by a sort of wireless apparatus. I knew in the dream that, though they looked harmless enough, they were a menace to me, and I felt extremely frightened. But I was told that I could pass them in safety if I saluted each one in turn, saying the words, 'palabra de honor'. This is Spanish for 'word of honour', but in Spain honour is more sacrosanct than here. Honour is the value for which one would give one's very life. So 'palabra de honor' is the most sincere and dramatic password a Spaniard could devise. (I must explain that my husband was a Spaniard and that I lived in Spain for many years, but the stress on honor in the dream will also tell you that I personally speak from the opposite standpoint of extreme femininity. What follows may not fit other types of women.) This ritual I solemnly carried out, saluting each man in turn and repeating to each the password, 'palabra de honor'.

There was a great deal more to the dream but I want to use this as my opening scene, for I have come back to it again and again during the succeeding years, each time with a little more understanding that this is the key, the magic password which will turn the animus from foe to friend.

You don't owe anyone an apology for your very thoughtful and well argued post.

I am very disappointed in this blog for going into a fit of knee-jerk political correctness, and for choosing censorship over reasoned debate.

Hillary Clinton is a ghoul.

Ain't easy running one of these sites, is it?

I didn't see that story - all I saw was the withdrawal notice. But for the record, I'm offended any time I see that word used by ostensibly literate people. It's cheap and not worthy of any writer, in my opinion. I'm glad it was pulled. This isn't just about Hillary. It's a dehumanizing term for women that I don't think deserves use.

"If you look for the social economic motive, you will not have to wait for history to tell you what was propaganda and what was truth." - George Seldes

NO problem.  Once again let me say welcome to the community!!!

Doing My Part For The Left,Left Of The Rainbow

I'd like to say for the record that I have no problem with the original post (at least what I read at Culture Kitchen, but I also understand and respect the sensibilities of those who would rather never see the "B word" in print.

The Underground Railroad

As always, The Rude One has his own way of making the same point...

The Underground Railroad