I still run into old friends occasionally that not only think Maureen Dowd is a good columnist but that she is a liberal and uses her column to advocate for the Left. Without fail, these friends are busy people that have not spent the Bush years reading alternative media and blogs. They're somewhat like Democrats that were trapped in amber sometime in 2000-2001, just before the rise of the Blogosphere. They have puzzled about why Dowd spent the last three months of the 2000 campaign writing about how horrible Al Gore was as a candidate, but then they remember those zingers she put down on Dick 'Big Time' Cheney and his geographically-impaired sidekick. Ooh...that felt sooo good.

This is a message to my old friends trapped in amber. Maureen Dowd doesn't root for Democrats. She uses her column to mock Democrats, drive wedges between Democrats, and to reinforce negative stereotypes about Democrats. Yes, she is somewhat irreverent and she does her share of blasting Republicans. Occasionally, when her righteous ire is up, she can really let the Republicans have it. But you can start a count now. It's August 13th. Dowd does two columns a week. If she doesn't take any time off, she'll write thirty-three more columns between now and the election. I guarantee you that the majority of them will not be helpful to the cause of Barack Obama. Today's column is about as unhelpful as it gets.

While the column is ostensibly about the Clintons' 'solipsistic' behavior, the real motivating force is to light a match to the raw feelings that have carried forward in the Obama and Clinton camps from the primary. Barack Obama granted both Bill and Hillary Clinton speaking spots at the convention. In Maureen Dowd's mind this is a big mistake.

While Obama was spending three hours watching “The Dark Knight” five time zones away, and going to a fund-raiser featuring “Aloha attire” and Hawaiian pupus, Hillary was busy planning her convention.

You can almost hear her mind whirring: She’s amazed at how easy it was to snatch Denver away from the Obama saps. Like taking candy from a baby, except Beanpole Guy doesn’t eat candy. In just a couple of weeks, Bill and Hill were able to drag No Drama Obama into a swamp of Clinton drama.

Now they’ve made Barry’s convention all about them — their dissatisfaction and revisionism and barely disguised desire to see him fail. Whatever insincere words of support the Clintons muster, their primal scream gets louder: He can’t win! He can’t close the deal! We told you so!

In the Beltway world of Maureen Dowd and Cokie Roberts, 'Aloha attire' and 'Hawaiian pupus' are signs of haughty elitism. And a speaking slot for the former president and the primary's runner-up is some kind of foolish capitulation. Somehow, someway, the Clintons will ruin the convention and destroy Barack Obama's chances to be president.

Hillary’s orchestrating a play within the play in Denver. Just as Hamlet used the device to show that his stepfather murdered his father, Hillary will try to show the Democrats they chose the wrong savior.

Although, according to Dowd, there is no need for Hillary to make such an attempt since the Democrats already feel that way.

The Clintons know that a lot of Democrats are muttering that their solipsistic behavior is “disgusting.” But they’re too filled with delicious schadenfreude at the wave of buyer’s remorse that has swept the Democratic Party; many Democrats are questioning whether Obama is fighting back hard enough against McCain, and many are wondering, given his inability to open up a lead in a country fed up with Republicans, if race will be an insurmountable factor.

I get the feeling that Maureen Dowd has been talking to Cokie Roberts and is under the misapprehension that Cokie is a Democrat. But Dowd continues on in this vein, slyly inserting false data points like 'failure to open up a lead'.

Ed note: Obama's current Electoral College lead: 284-154, with 100 too close to call.

Dowd even goes so far as to suggest that the Clinton camp leaked emails and memos to The Atlantic to make Obama look bad. Any objective observer would judge the emails and memos were leaked to spread around the blame for Clinton's loss.

Dowd thinks that the Clintons' petulance will dominate the convention. For example:

Wednesday will be all Bill. The networks will rerun his churlish comments from Africa about Obama’s readiness to lead and his South Carolina meltdowns. TV will have more interest in a volcanic ex-president than a genteel veep choice.

What do you think the chances are, really, that Bill Clinton will say something petulant during his speech that upstages the Vice-Presidential pick's speech? The Clintons were overrated as strategists but they aren't so stupid as to think they'll gain points by sowing division and rawly displaying their bitterness. They may not be able to avoid an unhealthy focus on themselves but their legacy is in enough danger as it is. Being seen as responsible for an Obama loss is not in their interests. Any sabotage they might do will be by way of benign neglect. For example, Hillary may allow her name to enter into the nomination. She may not openly discourage some of her supporters from parading around with anti-Obama signs. Or maybe not. Maybe she will be a loyal soldier. The only thing that is certain is that Maureen Dowd is counting on some drama. And anyone that actually thinks this election matters and wants Obama to win is not rooting for drama at the convention.

Remember, she has 33 columns between now and the election. Let's see how many of them she devotes to attacking John McCain.