While Democrats in Denver are arranging for the spectacle of a stadium-sized throng, the Republicans here are staging things a bit differently for their get-together Sept. 1-4. They talk about a more intimate, you-are-there feeling. Simple but classy, they're calling it.

"We're much more simple this time than we have been in the past," said [Executive Producer, David] Nash, a veteran TV producer. "Basically, Sen. McCain and his staff feel that to do something real glitzy and Las Vegas-like would be inappropriate, the way the economy is."

The stage is just 4 feet high and rectangular, which by convention standards is practically Shaker-like. Television cameras will be stationed on the convention floor to give home viewers a greater sense of "being there." And some old flourishes will be absent, including the live band, the tiered podium and the huge presidential seal.

It's the anti-glitz convention. You can see the full schedule here, and it's pretty depressing. On Monday, they'll have popular politicians: George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Mitch McConnell, John Boehner, and Michelle Bachmann. That is sure to give the Republicans a bounce.

Tuesday the main attraction will be Rudy Guiliani, who will presumably avoid advising us on the best way to get the public to subsidize your adultery. Other luminaries will include Grandpa Fred Thompson, Tom 'Color-Coded Terror Chart' Ridge, and Mike Huckabee. I can't see much bounce out of that.

Wednesday will by Cindy McCain's night. Kay Bailey Hutchison and Mitt Romney will speak, along with Carly Fiorina and Gov. Bobby Jindal. Whoever the vice-presidential pick is will speak, too. My guess is that the pick will be Hutchison, but I've been saying that for nearly a year now.

The last day is probably the most pathetic of all. They will actually resurrect Bill 'Remote Diagnosis' Frist. What are they thinking? Gov. Charlie Crist of Florida will speak. I guess he's popular. But Lindsey Graham? Sam Brownback? Mel Martinez?

This is the emptiest bench I've ever seen. Where is Chuck Hagel, or Richard Lugar, or Colin Powell or Brent Scowcroft, or Jim Baker, or Lawrence Eagleburger, or Henry Kissinger, or George Schultz, or anyone with any foreign policy experience? Where is George Herbert Walker Bush? The entire realist school of foreign policy will be absent.

I can't imagine this convention being anything but a total disaster. But at least it won't be a glitzy disaster.