I will confess that until last week, I had no idea demons even had sexual orientations. Or, for that matter, sex. Then I happened upon a video that is making the rounds online. It depicts members of your congregation conducting what can only be described as the "gay exorcism" of a 16-year-old boy.

He convulses on the floor as if in the grip of a seizure while adults circle above, apparently attempting to holler the gay out of him. They yell things like, "C'mon, you homosexual demon! We want a clean spirit!"

And . . . "Come out of his belly! It's in the belly!"

If more are straight (and let's face it there are a lot more straight people fooling around than gay folks), why do we only need to exorcise the gay demons? All things considered, I bet that good Christan leaders like Governor Sanford and Senators Vitter and Ensign would have appreciated an exorcism of their demons before they succumbed to their evil masters' wishes and had sex with all those women not specifically bound to them by the vows of holy matrimony, don't you agree? I mean even their allegiance to Saint Ronald of Reagan and the sanctity of their marriages weren't enough to armor themselves against an infestation of the straight demons who plagued them with all those unholy sexual urges for women who hadn't walked down the aisle with them.

And where do all those gay demons go when you do dig them out of those poor teenage souls? Demons being demons and all, isn't the most likely thing for them to do is to wait until the exorcists turn their backs or leave to go save the next poor victim of the gay and then jump right back into the soul of the poor unfortunate boy or girl who just got exorcised? Seems likely to me. Especially with the unavailability of live swine around these days to hide out in.

I guess that's why I'm no theologian. These questions just make my head hurt. Besides, I'd rather worry about all the demons that make people want to start wars for known good reason and torture people to death. Why don't we have any good exorcists working on those little devils?

Update [2009-6-30 17:20:28 by Steven D]: The video!

The full video the Church of Manifest Glory posted is at this link.

Another link.

Second Update [2009-6-30 17:27:56 by Steven D]:: White churches do gay exorcisms too!