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by bood abides  New ad which will appear in the Sunday edition of the New York Times New York, NY (Rotters)- In a vote of 3,100,000 to 100,000 yesterday, the members of a massive nationwide progressive political action group voted overwhelmingly to place a second ad in the New York Times this weekend condemning the U.S. Congress for wasting time condemning a previous ad condemning General David Petraeus as "General Betray us". The ad implies that both houses of Congress, in particular the leadership, are "Ass-kissing little chickenshits", a term which has been used to refer to General Petraeus by his superiors in the past. Read more... (8 comments, 453 words in story) by bood abides  Former pop star Britney Spears and Al-Qaeda front man Osama bin-Laden rehearsing for upcoming video Hollywood, CA (O! Online) - Reporters for O! Online have learned that there are plans in the works for a possible joint comeback tour for Britney Spears featuring Osama bin Laden. This comes after independent disastrous performances by both over this past weekend. Bin Laden had released his latest video, which has been universally panned by critics for its post-editing flaws and obvious overdubbing and lip sync problems. A noticeably nervous Britney Spears was blasted last night for her performance in her long heralded comeback appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards. Spears was noted to suffer as well some of the same lip sync problems and lack of animation as displayed by bin Laden during her performance last night. Noted terrorist video producer Adam Gadahn, or "Azzam the American", stepped forward last night on an Islamic fundamentalist website to claim responsibility for bin Laden's poor performance in his latest video. Read more... (2 comments, 573 words in story) by bood abides
The Unofficial Official Rules of Surgeball
 The Unofficial Official Rules of Surgeball Read more... (3 comments, 513 words in story) by bood abides  Six of twelve lucky servicemen set for early rotation home aboard Air Force One Al-Anbar, Iraq (Rotters) - Citing tremendous successes with his surge strategy during a surprise visit to Iraq, President Bush today announced that the Pentagon would be able to begin sending a number of GIs home early. A dozen servicemen will accompany the president to Australia for his meeting with Australian President John Howard and the APEC conference, after which they will return home to an early discharge if desired, with full honors. Read more... (9 comments, 305 words in story) by bood abides  Hillary Clinton at a campaign appearance with newest campaign staffer Karl Rove Washington, DC (UPSI) - In a stunning yet somewhat predictable turn of events this morning the Hillary Clinton campaign announced the hiring of soon to be resigning Bush aide and master strategist, Karl Rove. Rove had appeared on a number of news and opinion shows over the past weekend during which he declared Clinton to be the likely Democratic presidential candidate, and one whom he described as "fatally flawed". Read more... (2 comments, 277 words in story) by bood abides  President Bush moments before being bundled aboard Marine One for an emergency flight to Bethesda Naval Hospital Kennebunkport, MN (APE) - President Bush was rushed via Marine One back to Bethesda Naval Hospital for emergent treatment of what doctors suspect was an exacerbation of chronic problems with lime. The president had flown earlier in the day to his parent's compound in Kennebunkport, for an extended visit and vacation with France's newly elected president Nicolas Sarcozy. Mr Bush apparently collapsed after losing an impromptu foot race with the French president, and after taking a few sips of a beverage for re hydration, according to the White House. This incident occurs after the president was given a clean bill of health by physicians following extensive examinations this week. Read more... (2 comments, 381 words in story) by bood abides  Space station astronauts on a recent EVA removing what was originally described as an ammonia tank from the space station Houston, TX (APE) - NASA authorities are today admitting that the ongoing investigation into alcohol consumption by astronauts is now to include current and former occupants of the international space Station. NASA officials have stated that they wish to question the current occupants of the space station specifically over the recent EVA in which an "ammonia tank" was removed and controversially jettisoned into space as junk Read more... (5 comments, 622 words in story) by bood abides  Two suspected British terrorists detained at Miami International Airport Miami, FL (APE) - Transportation Security Administration authorities today confirmed the arrest of two British suspects in connection with a recent spate of what are described as "dry run" airline bombings. Authorities stated that the two may likely have been complicit in what are described as fake devices using modeling clay or block cheese that were seized in four separate incidents in the last two years at various US airports. Read more... (3 comments, 329 words in story) by bood abides  Vice President Dick Cheney exits his limousine after a private showing of the new Harry Potter movie "Order of the Phoenix" Washington, DC (APE) - Daily activities around a Washington, DC Megaplex ground to a halt late yesterday afternoon as the vice president and his security contingent swooped in for an unannounced visit and the vice president took time out from his busy schedule to enjoy the latest Harry Potter film. Disgruntled moviegoers were forced to accept refunds or tickets for alternative shows as the entire complex was shut down by the Secret Service for over three hours. Read more... (2 comments, 392 words in story) by bood abides Read more... (1 comment, 3564 words in story) by bood abides  Karl Rove and Robert Mueller cautioned the public against a new email scam set to emerge Washington, DC (Rotters) - In a joint announcement this morning FBI Director Robert Mueller and special presidential assistant Karl Rove confirmed that over 140,000 of Rove's personal e-mails had been maliciously deleted from Republican National Committee servers by botnet programs apparently uploaded by spammers. Mueller stated that he had contacted Attorney General Alberto Gonzales and was working closely with the Justice Department in investigating the possibility of charging a group of arrested spammers with violations of the presidential records act, a 30-year-old law which mandates the archiving of all presidential correspondence. Read more... (3 comments, 439 words in story) by bood abides  "Scooter" Libby apparently attempts to turn up the heat on the White House Washington, DC (Rotters) - In a stunning development, former vice presidential counsel I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby waved the estimated five weeks grace period in place before he would have to officially report for incarceration. He reported early today to an undisclosed federal penitentiary to begin serving his 2 1/2 year sentence for his role in the Valerie Plame scandal. Libby appears to be embracing a tactic employed recently by a number of other celebrities, including Martha Stewart and Paris Hilton. While Mr. Libby's motives remained unclear, many Washington insiders felt that Libby and his legal team were attempting to take advantage of the groundswell of support from conservatives all over America and turn up the heat for an official pardon from President George W. Bush. Read more... (2 comments, 438 words in story)
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